National Coming Out Day 2019
Coming out has been complicated for me. When I was 5, I had my first crush on my kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Beckett. I also would go on to develop crushes on both boys and girls. But as I grew up, I realized those feelings may not be the norm. I thought I had to pick a side, so although I had romantic experiences with both guys and girls, I identified as straight for most of my teenage years. When I was 19, I fell in love with a woman, decided I was a lesbian and came out to my friends and family. Again, I thought I had to pick a side. I joined the military at 22, during “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”, and was forced to hide any relationships I had with women. In 2012, when I was 28, I ended up marrying a man. He knew I had been with men and women and I finally was able to admit or accept that I was bisexual. Most of my friends and family just assumed I had finally “picked a side” or that I wasn’t queer anymore. When I learned about pansexuality, I realized I was pansexual—I am attracted to people, not body parts. It wasn’t really necessary to come out though, because my husband and I were monogamous at that time. Recently I have started to just say I’m queer, because it is easier than “Oh, I’m pansexual but married to a man and also dating women with my husband sometimes”! It is difficult for me at times, people assume I am straight because I am married to a man, so sometimes I feel less seen or valid. I like to remind people that choosing a partner doesn’t mean I am any less attracted to any and all other genders. I think it is important to let people be who they are, believe them when they tell you. That’s it. Coming out has been a journey for me, but I have never felt more authentic than I do now.